Saturday, September 20, 2014

Mist

Bless me that I may find the answers I seek,
that my words may be like the sun to the flowers in the meadow,
that my thoughts may be like Ariadne's thread,
and that my actions may get me out of the Mist.

Coming soon...

Friday, September 19, 2014

When will you ever do that?

You've always wanted to travel, see the world, eh?
You've always wanted to lose some weight, tone down a little.
You've always wanted to start a side business.
You've always wanted to write the story of your life.
To get out more often, to make more realistic goals, to get out of a bad relationship, to tell someone you like them...

Well,it's been years down the line, what happened to that?

Let's be honest...you just found it easier to push it out of your mind and there's nothing as spacious as the sub-conscious, and unconscious!
I mean if you ever want space, simply be in a complete state of denial. Put it behind you, pretend it doesn't exist and your sub-conscious would gladly store it up for you like a germ!

But when it the door opens and you review one thing- you shall have a floodgate of memories and emotions that would either give you a break-down or have you seek psychiatric help...trust me on this one...don't bench stuff!

I've had some pretty emotional weeks and I daresay that nothing makes me smile as having the feeling of a volcanic mountain erupting! I seriously burn the people around me with my emotions like molten lava...and in a sick and cruel way, I find it intoxicating...like a cup of tea at 2pm!

My drama aside,if you have projects that you've set aside or pushed out of your mind for sometime and you'd really want to pick up where you left here's how I see it:
  1. Start small. You had the project idea, but make a list....one one side write what you expected to achieve with it, and on the other the reasons why you never got to it. Be as honest as possible, because your list determines step two.
  2. Cancel out three reasons why  you couldn't go through with the project and replace them with what you could have done instead.
  3. You started by writing why you wanted to do the project right? So, write three reasons why you should not do it, right now.
  4. Compare your reasons in step 3 against your reasons in step 2.
  5. Once this is done- pin them somewhere public as "DOUBTS" or better yet use the name I use "THOMASES"
  6. Get off your lazy procrastinating seat and get started! You'll never know how much you can succeed unless you try...

Best of luck!


--
Do not let anyone define you.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

When the tables are turned.

When the tables are turned, pause...breathe, and then turn them back to the way they were.

Growing up my Mom always reminded us that we had to treat people the way we expected to be treated. (The Gold Rule) She however forgot to tell us not to expect immediate gratification for our actions. Somewhere along the way my Sister told me that it's the people with hearts of gold who get heart-broken but it only means that they are willing to get down and get back up again.

So- pearls of wisdom aside on Sunday I told you that I don't like confrontations. On 1st of this month, it was a Monday- I shared with you my areas of expertise: read it here
I said that three things come to me like the air I breathe:
  1. I bottle up my anger
  2. Smile and walk away when am pissed off
  3. Run away from love

So today, I'll focus on the third and do my best to dissect it because I have put it on hold for so long it's going to expire. I have the chance to love and be loved as simple as it may seem- it hinges on my inability to see someone heart-broken. I have had the pleasure of being in a love-triangle when I was in high school and it saw me lose touch with two of my best friends. The guy picked me, and I had to leave later on for he'd broken my trust- but my friend never got over it. She is happily married and has a beautiful daughter now- but she told me last year that she never could take it. I could not believe that he'd hit on her and she'd seriously considered him while we were in high school but never told me about it. I mean whatever happened to "the boy is mine" kinda thing? Help a sister out- and call the guy on his game, but for the record he was cute and had the best handwriting a teenage boy could have!

So, what brought this on? I recently discovered Ukwala Supermarket here in Kisumu stocks some very unique stationery that are to die for! If you ever visit Kisumu- head to the Ukwala Supermarket that's near the National Bank- and please visit their stationery section, I promise you, your writing life will never be the same!

So, Grumpy decided to treat me to pencils and erasers last week, but he added me an eraser today and here's my collection so far:

So, I thanked him but I knew he was up to something. We've been friends for so long and the only way he puckers up to me is by treating me to stuff I love, like endless coffee time! Before I could call him out on it, he asked me "I'm serious about us Arch, what do you want me to do to prove it? Say it and I will do it."

Wait...

Time out!

Half-time!

Breathe!

Cut! CUT! CUT! Is this thing ON?

Did I say Cut? Did you really listen or is the tape of life still rolling? Okay...someone get me a drink! Make a double-espresso, no sugar! Hot!Wait!

Make it a triple-espresso!

....Three hours later, and am here!

Yes, to be honest I want so much but need to get my list down and narrow down my wants to my needs based on priority and long-term returns, so I could not say anything to Grumpy even as he looked at me as though any word I said then would absolve him. I thanked him for the eraser, let him walk me home and then got here and took maziwa mala and a fat slice of ugali and thought..."you're such a Drama Queen!"

You know, I have put guys in the spot before on what I expect of them-and sometimes it's been annoying that they didn't know what they wanted. I didn't know how awful a feeling it was until Grumpy asked me today. I could have simply told him that he needs to keep his ex at bay or that he needed to come to terms with my various moods and tunes, but no...I opened my mouth and a smile was formed instead. He felt like I didn't take him seriously.

I could have told him to let me think about it, but I didn't and now...I know that when the tables were turned on me, I couldn't find an exit door no matter how hard I tried.

Here's to love!





--
Dora.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Courtesy 101

"Hello my name is Mr. so and so, I am calling you from such an organization following an application letter you'd sent us. I would like to engage you in a conversation for some time, I hope it's fine with you, Miss. so and so."

Now, wouldn't you even get out of the scorching sun and listen to who could be a possible employer?

Forgive me for this post, but I feel nothing but rage seething through my veins because what I have come to know as the core training for HR practitioners was just dispelled within one minute of a conversation with some man who calls himself Frank and works with the Kenya Revenue Authority.

I receive a call from this connection that I'm sure is a landline, and the man asks me "Dora, to idhi nade? Iwita! Iwita kabisa!" I kindly request him to identify himself because ever since I replaced my SIM card, I am at a loss with the various contacts that I had.
He does not.
Instead he goes on to ask me why I refuse to answer him in mother-tongue yet he is clearly talking to me and he knows me. I ask him to identify himself so I can choose to continue or cease the conversation.

He says he's Frank, and he works with KRA where I had sent in my Graduate Management Trainee Application and he was calling me to tell me all about it.

He's under the Human Resources team working on recruitment, and the man lacks phone etiquette!
He appreciates that I speak fluently and adds that I do have a good voice and looks.
So, he asks for me to send him a scanned copy of my certificate- and I tell him that doing so would destroy the seal that authenticates it and if he wants to see my grades and attest that I graduated with honors then my transcripts would be able to do so, and I can send him a copy of the certificate later on via courier- but he says he knows what he wants and I should just tell him whether he will get it or not.

I tell him he will not and to save him time, I thank him for calling and hang up.

Okay...now let's take a breather.
What was that?

An opportunity.

What kind of opportunity?
One that would not improve me, especially NOT in the way I seek- because I know I have good looks and a good voice, but if you are my employer or seeking to have me join your team- you do not make passes at me, expecting an easy game.
I play tough because I can handle the heat- and besides what's a career or work without challenges to improve me for the better?

I was disgusted.
I believe I still am because professionalism does not ask for much, but rather the simplicity of respecting what you are doing, and how you are doing it.
Human dignity goes beyond what we say and how we say it all through to whom we address.​


I believe that Human Resource Practitioners are trained on etiquette and are expected to adhere to professional standards because there conduct and department is the backbone of the organization. How Frank could have disregarded this beats me, but it also does not make me appreciate or value or choose to liaise with the organization he represents.

Saddest bit is, they are still going to tax me at the end of this month!​

--
Dora.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Like Water

I do not like breaking up just as much I do not fancy making up. I learned something today that may have been coming my way but I pretended it was not. I was so busy trying to evade the truth such that when it finally stood right before me, I could do nothing but breathe and do what I do best which is to walk away.
So, bear with me here, I am not talking in parables because I am making sense in my cryptic way.
I have been told I am too good in job interviews and accepted the fact thrice, but today being told that I was too good had me walking away with my thoughts and feelings afraid of a confrontation.
I don't do confrontations!
I just don't have the strength to argue and be up in someone's face because frankly speaking I have in my artillery words that cut and kill, and do not ever want to use them, because like I said...I don't  fancy making up.
So, here it is...Prince Charming told me that I am perfect, too good and he just can't see himself always trying to catch up.
Classic: It's not you, it's me.
But, see...how do you break up from a solid friendship?

How do friends just stop being friends? So, I nodded and told him it's okay and then wished him a great week ahead and walked away saying that I had some writing to do back at home.

He laughed behind me. I heard his laughter and thought that he was putting on a show because between us both we are a class act. I am a perfect Drama Queen and he's the perfect King and audience.

So, he shouts, "hey, Arch! Si you wait! Sijamaliza! Si you wait!"

And I stop and turn, classic romance movie right up, and he walks up to me, takes my hand in his and says "you always walk away when you are mad, now we are going to get kahawa and you will tell me everything."
"I'll take the kahawa but I don't want to talk, not now."
"So, you will blog about me right? Kuambia Jodie kila kitu, eh?"
"Yes, and I have a good memory so don't challenge me!"
"Ni sawa, but I'm thinking we should make it official, go out on a date. Me and you, and start from there."

The balls!
Seriously, have you ever met a more egoistical guy?
And from today onwards, I shall refer to him as Prince Grumpy because this Charming thing is getting into his big head giving him ideas about getting too close for comfort! So in Grumpy's world, I am more like water refreshing and destructive at the same time and he wants to experience the destructive side of me because I have been nothing but refreshing to him. This has to be the second time I find myself enthralled by my best friend, and though they say 'once bitten twice shy,' I find myself saying 'a cat has nine lives.'

So, I went to the market and got three tee-shirts one of them has a picture of Olly Murs and I also got these books yesterday:

I already finished reading "Rules of Attraction" by Simone Elkeles and I'd say Carlos Fuentes is quite the character!


Friday, September 12, 2014

What do you care?

I decided to style up on Monday.
Don't ask me why, but I wanted to wear a skirt to work and this is what my efforts produced until something happened this evening!


In the midst of an angry rage, all I heard was, "what do you care?"

The conversation ended right there because I didn't want to talk things through. So, I decided to list some words and phrases that definitely signal the end of an argument.
  1. ​Fine!
  2. Do whatever you want!​
  3. ​Just do it, see if I care!
  4. You know what, I'm done!
  5. Just Shut up!
  6. To hell with you!

​I've always known that words cannot be undone or taken back though people always take time to say, "I take back my words," well- that's dandy and all but the effect of those words on whoever you said them to cannot be taken back or erased.
So, what's got me all knotted?

I figured being the one to listen or decide who's right between two people (and good friends might I add) is a WRONG idea!
"Help so and so understand where I'm coming from with this, please..." Na lie! Na lie!

Don't do it.
So, in the middle of my listening session one of them simply blurted out "what do you care?" I took my bag and left because really "what did I care?"

I was hurt.
Not just hurt on the surface, but hurt enough to put it into writing but not share the details because it still amazes me how friendship can be built over two decades but destroyed in five minutes by words and gestures expressed out of anger.

So, I went ahead with my agenda for the evening and got neon pencils and erasers.

I guess sometimes I've got to sit back and let the pain sink in.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Mist.

I have been on the road for a while and this week has me covering very long distances. On my way to Sondu on Monday, I overheard a talk in the matatu about a woman who's husband was found murdered in Nairobi but she did not want to get the police involved.
The two women had different views on the situation.
One lady thought it was very selfish of the woman to leave her husband's death unavenged while the other simply said that revenge would get her nowhere- and she had a great point- the police would be of no good use.
She simply concluded, 'the police would not get to the bottom of the matter and she needs to have peace of mind."
So, I had this wicked idea of trying to spin the story and this is what I've come up with...enjoy!


Somebody murdered my husband, and I know who sent him. Kennedy was a wonderful man; he wined and dined with whoever could afford to spend time with him, and had a wonderful mechanism of distribution. His generosity saw him have three children with three different women upon death. I thank the heavens every day for such generosity. Don't think I didn't know about them, I just learned to let him do his business. I never asked why or when because I knew if I did two things could happen: we would fight and I would walk out on him.


--
Dora.